The Colbert Report, Mar 20, 2008

World Water Day
Stephen dedicates the whole show to water, and pledges not to drink a single drop.



Aqua Colbert

Thirst locally and drink globally with Stephen's new line of bottled water, Aqua Colbert.



Water is Life

Stephen visits the American Museum of Natural History to learn more about the power of water.



Interview - Dean Kamen

Stephen puts inventor Dean Kamen's vapor compression distiller to the test.



Setting Water on Fire

Stephen thinks it's great that someone has finally found a use for water.

The Daily Show, Mar 20, 2008

Jon looks back at five years of Bush Administration assessments on the anniversary of the Iraq War, then recaps Dick Cheney's diplomatic failures abroad. U.S. News and World Reporter journalist Alex Kingsbury gives a clear-eyed view on the stalemate in Iraq. Jon and Stephen prepare for a shoot-out in the toss, but Stewart's caulking gun won't work.

Iraq: The First 5 Years

Jon looks back in time to see the Bush Administration's benchmarks for success after the start of the Iraq War.



International Man of Misery

Jon recaps Dick Cheney's diplomatic gaffes as the Vice President begins his tour of Iraq.



Alex Kingsbury

The reporter believes that the US will have to reconcile with its enemies before the Iraq War is over.



Daily/Colbert – Happy Gun Day

Stephen and Jon celebrate the Supreme Court's gun rights decisions by brandishing their own weapons.



Moment of Zen – Saddam's Resume

President Bush recites the reasons why Saddam needed a takedown.

The Colbert Report, Mar 19, 2008

Intro - 3/19/08

The controversy over Obama's former pastor rages on, though not as much as his former pastor.



Patterson Affair

Cheating at the Days Inn is like going off your diet for a Tootsie Roll - at the Days Inn.



The Word - The Gospel of John

Stephen thinks Obama could learn something from McCain and his new pastor friends.



Pennsylvania Primary

Go to DonorsChoose.org and vote for Hillary or Obama and help raise money for Pennsylvania schools!



Tip/Wag - Afghanistan

Shame on you, soldiers in Afghanistan, for arousing our president's envy!



Interview - Dee Dee Myers

Dee Dee Myers tells Stephen what would happen if women ruled the world.

The Daily Show, Mar 19, 2008

Jon goes to the Advent map again after NY governor Paterson admits another sex scandal, then translates President Bush's MBA jargon into English. John Hodgman steps into the future to see if we're facing a recession in the present. The 24 hour news networks stumble over Barack Obama's speech on race. Sen. Arlen Specter shares stories of his diagnosis and battle with cancer.

The Govs Must Be Horny - Alabama
Jon goes to the Advent map to give us today’s gubernatorial sexual perversion.



Recessional Terms
Jon knows you may not have a Harvard MBA like President Bush, so he translates W's outlook into language we can all understand.



Economic Future
John Hodgman uses a time helmet to see if we're currently in a recession and bats around economic semantics.



The Dialogue Begins
The 24 hour news networks stumble about in their attempt to contextualize Barack Obama's speech on racial divisions.



Arlen Specter
After surviving cancer, Senator Arlen Specter proves that Jon’s audience will laugh at anything.



Moment of Zen - The White Vote
The talking heads of the major networks wonder about Barack's appeal to white voters.

The Colbert Report, Mar 18, 2008

Intro – 3/18/08

Obama gives a landmark speech on race, meanwhile McCain delivers a fiery speech to kids on his lawn.



Yes We Can

With Obama’s blessing, Stephen will talk about Rev. Wright’s sermons from now until the election.



Spicy and Sweet Coverage

Stephen has learned his lesson about corporate sponsorship.



Das Booty

Stephen sends his stage manager, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, to Germany to hunt for Nazi Gold.



Carole King


Unless Stephen decides to run for President again, Carole King is supporting Hillary.




I Feel The Earth Move

Carole King performs I Feel the Earth Move.

The Daily Show, Mar 18, 2008

Get the latest headlines from most trusted name in fake news. Plus, Daily Show correspondents report from the field.

The Govs Must Be Horny
In this new segment, Jon reveals the sexual deviants of each state’s governor.



Reverend Wright’s Sermons
At 11am on Tuesday Obama spoke to Americans about race as though they were adults.



Open Discussion
Despite their differences, Larry Wilmore and Jon can agree about at least one thing.



Spitzer’s Last Day
Jason Jones finds out how New Yorkers coped with Governor Spitzer’s scandal and resignation.

Jeffrey Sachs
Jeffrey Sachs wrote a book containing all the solutions to the world's greatest ills.



Moment of Zen - Chew On
Obama gave Tony Harris a lot to chew on - including his pen.

The Colbert Report, Mar 17, 2008

Intro - 3/17/08

Does America believe it's in a recession? A euro for your thoughts.



Stephen In Philly

One lucky person in the Colbert Report studio is going to Philadelphia to report on the convention: Stephen!



The Word - The Audacity Of Hopelessness

Don't lose confidence because of Bear Stearns -- lose confidence because it's the right thing to do.


People Destroying America - St. Patrick's Day

Shaun Clancy banned the traditional Irish song "Danny Boy" from his NY pub on St. Patrick's Day.



Interview - Samantha Power

Stephen suggests to former Obama advisor Samantha Power that maybe Hillary Clinton is a good monster, like Cookie Monster.

The Daily Show, Mar 17, 2008

Jon takes down both President Bush's and Jim Cramer's financial analysis while Aasif Mandvi gives his assessment during free-fall. Larry Wilmore claims the new New York governor for Black History. Professor Brian Fagan links warming trends to the course of human history.

Broken Arrow
Jon responds to President Bush's rosy outlook on Wall Street and Jim Cramer's terrible Bear Stearns advice.



Crisis in the Chartland
Aasif Mandvi reports on the Bear Stearns bailout while experiencing gravitational altitude correction.



NY's New Governor
Larry Wilmore claims David Paterson for African Americans and compares him to the fourth Ghostbuster.



Brian Fagan
The archaeologist and historian predicts huge droughts, but only wants the Tri-State area report.



Moment of Zen – Capital Haines
CNBC's Mark Haines has a perturbed reaction to President Bush's economic outlook.

The Colbert Report, March 13, 2008

Intro - 3/13/08

Is Obama a Muslim? Stephen examines the facts and comes up with a "yes" anyway



Airborne Lawsuit

Airborne is sued for not working. What's next, Science? Debunking magic amulets?



Democralypse Now -- Ferraro

Stephen explains how the Democratic Party is self-destructing like...the Democratic Party.



Hussein Ibish

Stephen invites Hussein Ibish on the show to determine whether Obama is a secret Muslim.



Difference Makers - Doug Jackson

Tennessee State Senator Doug Jackson believes it is the right of every American to carry a gun into a bar.



Interview - Sudhir Venkatesh

Sudhir Venkatesh lived in the projects of Chicago to find out how street gangs operate.

The Daily Show, March 13, 2008

Jon takes Geraldine Ferraro and one of Barack Obama's supporters to task for tainting the elections. New correspondent Kristen Schaal sends a video time capsule to the future lady President. Jon follows President Bush's circular logic about gifting peace to Iraq. White House Press Secretary Dana Perino shares the ups and downs of the job during the Bush Adminstration.

You're Not Helping
Geraldine Ferraro tries to get her Obama remarks off the news - by going to all the major news networks.



Dear Madame President
Kristen Schaal prepares a video time capsule for the future first female President and shows an archive of her family's past bad p... (more)
Kristen Schaal prepares a video time capsule for the future first female President and shows an archive of her family's past bad picks.



The Gift of Freedom
Jon tries to follow the logic of President Bush's faith-based present to the Iraqi people.



Dana Perino
The White House Press Secretary talks about the ins and outs of dodging reporter flak and thinks President Bush would make a great... (more)
The White House Press Secretary talks about the ins and outs of dodging reporter flak and thinks President Bush would make a great guest.



Moment of Zen - Prayers for Bush
President Bush thanks a conference of evangelicals for their support.

The Colbert Report, March 12, 2008

Intro - 3/12/08

Eliot Spitzer resigns as governor of New York. Where will he find comfort in this difficult time?



Spitzer Sandwich

Governor Eliot Spitzer's appearance on the show was sandwiched between his illegal activities.



Smokin' Pole - Alaska

The Coast Guard has discovered that Alaska's continental shelf is actually longer than we thought.



Better Know A Lobby - Drug Lobby

Stephen gets doped up to interview Ethan Nadelmann of the Drug Policy Alliance.



Interview - Howard Kurtz Stephen asks Howard Kurtz if late night comedy shows should have any influence in politics.

The Daily Show, March 12, 2008

Jon runs down the idiocy that is the Eliot Spitzer press conference commute coverage and wonders what the governor will do during his last weekend. John Oliver puts the final note on Spitzer's legacy. The Mississippi primary creates some needless "commentary" from CNN. Author Ronald Kessler tries to make the case for torture to Jon.

Tainted Gov
Eliot Spitzer has one last weekend to throw the biggest orgy Albany has ever seen.



Inside Albany
John Oliver pinpoints Eliot Spitzer's Achilles heel and gives the final take on the governor's legacy.



Mississippi Primary
Jon uses a koala bear, stock car racing and a touch screen to needle CNN's worthless commentary.



Ronald Kessler
The author of "Terrorist Watch" salutes the efforts of the FBI and CIA while making the case for torture.



Moment of Zen - Yi So-Yeon
The first South Korean in space goes for a ride while in training.

The Colbert Report - March 11, 2008

Intro - 3/11/08

You have to check in on John McCain now and then to make sure he hasn't dozed off.



Spitzer Greeting Cards

It is not often that a husband can get a hug from his wife just for not going to a prostitute.



The Word - Mr. Right Now

Stephen learns to love the less-than-perfect Republican presidential candidate John McCain.



Colbert Platinum - Liechtenstein

Did Stephen's nemesis, Dr. Hans Maria Von Klugg, expose this European tax haven?



Interview - Geraldo Rivera

Geraldo Rivera has had an “a-ha” moment that changed his opinion of Stephen.



Show's Over, America

Stephen announces that the show has ended.

The Daily Show - Mar 11, 2008

Rob Riggle fingers the key link in the Eliot Spitzer scandal while Jon joins the media's feast. Samantha Bee shows the right way to use your spouse for a public apology. Lewis Black expresses his curiosity at outrageous hooker prices. Anti-tax pundit Grover Norquist advocates free enterprise and limited government.

Gubernatorial Malfeasance!

Jon grabs his bib to join in on the media's feast of the Eliot Spitzer prostitution scandal.




Shame Parade

Sam Bee demonstrates the correct technique on pimping out your spouse for an act of public contrition.



Back in Black - Eliot Spitzer

Lewis Black rails against cable news' coverage of the Eliot Spitzer scandal and refuses to pay for the minibar with high-priced call girls.



Grover Norquist

The conservative anti-tax advocate talks about limiting government and handing power to the private sector.



Moment of Zen - Prostitution

Wolf Blitzer tries to clarify something about prostitution that's news to no one.

The Daily Show - Mar 10, 2008

Jon gets in a few opening salvos in the Eliot Spitzer sex scandal before turning his attention to the sparsely attended Wyoming Democratic Caucus. Sam Bee goes down the list of Wyoming backers for the Democratic candidates. Rob Riggle goes undercover to investigate a Marine recruiting station in Berkeley, CA. Jon wonders if he could take over a country with the knowledge of Lt. General William Caldwall.

Wyoming 2008
Jon promises to cover the Eliot Spitzer scandal tomorrow as the graphics worked all weekend on Wyoming caucus.



Wyoming Diversity
Sam Bee breaks down how Obama captured Wyoming's caucus with the help of Big Moustache.



Marines in Berkeley
Rob Riggle goes undercover to report on Berkeley, CA's reaction to a new Marine recruiting station.



Lt. General William Caldwell
Now that Jon has read Lt. General William Caldwell’s army manual, he’s ready to take over a country.



Moment of Zen - Hillary Slime
Hillary Clinton shares how her best political training came from a nasty job.

The Colbert Report - March 10, 2008

Monday Mar 10 2008
Intro - 3/10/08

Hillary says the states she won are bigger than Obama's - but it's not the size, it's whether it's shaped like Florida.



Monday Mar 10 2008
Whores!

Stephen reviews Gov. Eliot Spitzer's last appearance to find any clues about this recent scandal.



Monday Mar 10 2008
The Word - Size Matters

Stephen invents some new states -- like South Georgiabamasippiana -- to help Obama win the election.



Monday Mar 10 2008
The '72 Democrats

Stephen gives us a special report on the 1972 Democratic presidential campaign.



Monday Mar 10 2008
Interview - George McGovern

George McGovern believes that one can be an idealist and a realist at the same time.